What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 01:38
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Do people have to be a pastor to baptize?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was 9 years of age.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why does Boko Haram attack its own Muslims?
One cannot live in the past .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We all went to grammer schools
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I have no regrets .
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Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why do narcissists and especially covert narcissists always play the victim?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And i lived it daily.
Can the effects of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) be reversed?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
When you visit a store, do you go to shop or buy?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He resisted the act ,that day.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
How often do you watch the news on TV?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
What do feminists mean when they say they want to ‘normalize’ menstruation and its discussion?
She married twice! .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Was to survive, this bastard.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Would this be the day?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was very sick at this time too.
She was in good health!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Why did i forgive my father ?
She loved him until the end.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
This is soul school!.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
All the time i was locked up.
I was scared of men, in general
It was going to be , some day.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But it wasn’t much.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Comes on , in middle age.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I think the readers, may guess!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
What did i know ?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Ive learnt so much.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So whats the point in blame.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As i do to all so called friends.?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I will be 64.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We were not on the streets..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But ive been too sick for many years..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My family never makes their pension either.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He knew the spot.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
When she asked me how she looked .
But, we were locked up after school.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was seconnd youngest,
I waited trembling.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I said to her
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Especially a lifetime of it.
Put me off passion for life!!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I write beautiful poetry .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She wouldn,t have been !
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My life is so biszare .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She found it foreign!.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Im still living with it.
So, i spoilt her more .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Who then, do I blame.?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!